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  • Angelica Larsson

Back to work Part 1 | Blog

Uppdaterat: 9 mars 2021

Hello my lovelies! As you all know I have been away for two weeks to spend vacation with my significant other here in beautiful Sweden and I will blog about that but that will be for the future as I wanted to share my progress of how getting back to work is turning out.

We had a meeting before so we could discuss how my recovery to work should be handled. It all went fine until I gave the suggestion that I had discussed with my doctor which is that I should ease back into work slowly and firstly not have to deal with customers as I have issues with anxiety due to my burnout and I need to first and foremost get into the habit of being back at work and feel comfortable with that.

However I have two employers and one of them is so new I barely know him. He seems like a perfectly fine person though when I gave my suggestion he very quickly said that they can't pay for someone working only morning when staff is needed throughout the day. Believe me, I am aware of this as this is the reason why I am here having to deal with my recovery due to lack of staff.

I have been feeling better for the lack of another word, coping is honestly better. I haven't cried for a month where I used to cry basically everyday feeling exhausted, depressed, drained, anxious, guilt, fear, helplessness, memory loss and so much more that I struggle with everyday to this day. It was nice to not cry about it however when my boss said what I stated above I begun crying and it was out of my control. I am ill because of my work and I am trying to recover and keep an open honest dialogue about things which I have since almost a year back and what he said made me worry that things won't change and will remain the same no matter what.

Though after I showed raw emotion about this situation the atmosphere changed and it honestly is sad that sympathy is only show when it can be visibly shown that you're not doing well either way this made me hopeful that perhaps this could go in the right direction as we agreed on my terms.

That's step one and the next step will be taken after I have my next appointment where we discuss how things are going and how I am coping.

It's Tuesday now and I will come back to work on Thursday, I will update my blog each day for both myself and for all of you whether you can relate what is most important is that we are humble, understanding and show love and support.

It feels awful because the logic in my mind will argue with the reaction my body and I will do my best to take care of myself so that my mind and body will work in sync.

The Wednesday night was rough my mind where all over the place and I found myself struggling to fall asleep. Everything felt so real while I've been home I have been struggling and it's been rough but the space that I've given myself from work to cope have kept me in a state of not having to deal with the reality that work was around the corner, I knew but it didn't seem real but it is now.

I got up this Thursday doing things by routine breakfast, make up, brushing my teeth, getting dressed and walking out the door. I decided to walk to work I try and make sure I walk everyday as my doctor said being active is good for me and I am doing what I can to

recover and on the plus side playing Pokemon go is a fun distraction as it keeps my mind on something else.

Next thing I knew I stood by the back entrance making my way in to work anxious about what comes next when I walk into my workplace. I was met by my boss and co-worker which both greeted me with big hugs and welcoming words and I could feel myself taking one small breath of relief.

I got some new routines explained to me and the new boss also explained a few of the new changes and his outlook on things that not only have been improved but also required improving. He took time out of his day to reassure me and check up on me it was honestly it was very comforting I appreciated that a lot.

I went to pick up the post and whilst doing that I bumped into one of my previous co-worker. I've never mentioned this but I used to work in the neighbouring store for 5 years before changing work. We spoke shared some heart to heart and it was nice catching up with her it's weird how we overlook people because we work with that they simply are "co-workers" and nothing more obviously they can be something more it's something

I have to take to heart.

At the end of the day I said good bye to all my co-workers with a big hug each just like I used to, I felt that it was important to keep that warm comfortable family feeling we have going and that it shouldn't be left out because I am ill.

I can take one small step for Gelica and tomorrow hopefully we can take

one more. I will update all of you on Friday.

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